There is a children’s story I used to read to my daughters when they were 3 and 4 years old. It comes from Arnold Lobel’s “Frog and Toad” series and involves a big batch of cookies so delicious that the main characters can’t stop eating them.
“We need willpower,” says Frog.
“What is willpower?” asks Toad.
“Willpower is trying hard not to do something that you really want to do,” says Frog.
Even at their young ages, my daughters nodded in recognition when, earlier in the story, Frog says to Toad, “I think we should stop eating. We will soon be sick.” And both girls smiled sympathetically when we turned the page and watched Frog and Toad declare that they would eat “one last cookie,” only to succumb to temptation, again and again.
Grown-ups, too, understand this struggle. In surveys, American adults have cited lack of willpower as the top barrier to changing behavior. Around the world, when adults have rated themselves on two dozen positive qualities, self-control has ranked dead last. Research also shows that exercising willpower feels pretty awful, whether you are resisting something fun or forcing yourself to do something un-fun.
Especially at this time of year, when holiday treats and year-end sales confront us at every turn, willing ourselves to resist can feel Scrooge-like. So we indulge. Then, come January, millions of us set New Year’s resolutions with fierce determination, only to abandon them by February.
The logical solution seems obvious: Try harder. Strengthen your willpower muscle. “Just say no,” as Nancy Reagan admonished my generation. “Just do it,” as Nike urges.
Yet, as a psychologist who studies how people achieve their goals, I see the data leading to the opposite conclusion: Willpower is overrated.
Research shows that achievement has surprisingly little to do with forcing yourself to choose wisely in the heat of the moment.
Successful people rarely rely on inner fortitude to resist temptations. Instead, many exercise situational agency, arranging their lives to minimize the need for willpower in the first place.
For example, Zadie Smith and Ed Sheeran both stay off social media by not owning smartphones. Jennifer Lopez stays healthy by carrying a water bottle, fresh fruit and vegetables with her.
David Sedaris found it easier to avoid smoking weed when he moved to France: “In New York I got my marijuana through a service. You called a number, recited your code name and 20 minutes later an apple-cheeked N.Y.U. student would show up at your door,” he has written. “In Paris, I had no idea where to find such a college student.”
It can feel embarrassing or even shameful to admit you lack the fortitude to make farsighted choices when temptation beckons. But interviews with some of the most disciplined people on the planet have taught me that you do hard things more consistently when you put yourself in situations that make the pursuit easier.
For instance, Alistair Brownlee, a two-time Olympic gold medalist in the triathlon, makes sure his equipment is in order before a workout and that his shoes are warm, dry and waiting for him at the door.
He bought his first house because it was close to the trails and pools where he ran and swam. “My mantra in life has always been to take the first step,” he says. Did all that situational scaffolding erode his grit? Quite the opposite.
